Those feelings

Assalamualaikum..

Hye. So here, another random thought.

Recently, I realized that time passes quickly. Rasa macam baru je masuk tahun baru, and then suddenly dah puasa, and now raya dah habis dan bila tengok kalendar rupa-rupanya dah bulan Ogos which means we already passed half way of the year! Mana pergi separuh tahun awal tu? Seriously?

Sometimes I think I got so many free times. Why didn't I do this and do that and everything? Apa yang aku dah buat selama masa yang ada ni, untuk diri, family dan kawan-kawan atau orang-orang sekeliling yang lain? Apa benda yang aku fokus sangat sampai aku takda masa untuk buat benda-benda tu?

And all this while, walaupun rasa macam sekejapnya masa berlalu, but many things happened. Expected or not, they're all just happened. Being busy with works, family, and other so-called "unnecessary" things, make me feel so bad when something happened, and I just can accept it, because it's already happened. Nothing can be changed. Sebab selama ni ada je masa untuk ubah semua mungkin untuk jadi lebih baik, tapi aku tak buat. Dan perasaan tu adalah sesuatu yang sangat teruk. Lebih teruk bila ada kaitan dengan kehilangan. Kita hanya hargai sesuatu tu bila kita dah kehilangan dia kan?

Another thing adalah perasaan bila kita dah cuba buat yang terbaik, tapi apa yang jadi adalah sebaliknya. I expect it to be better but it becomes worst. I have so many plans in my life. Every night before sleep, I will think of what the things I will do for tomorrow. If I don't want to do anything, get a rest, then that's my plan (Don't argue about this please). 

Same goes to my financial arrangement. On this date I need to pay for this, on another date I will have to pay for that. And the remaining weeks I need this total of amount to survive until the end of the month. But that's my plan, which usually will not turn to be exactly like what I want. Maybe something happens, which need to rearrange everything all over again.

And at some moment, I just think that I already succeed in achieving what I want. Even a simple thing like got to buy something on Lazada (LOL). And yeah, just like that. A simple thing that means happiness to me. And it makes me so happy and enjoy my day to the max.

Meanwhile, ada masa benda terjadi takda kaitan pun dengan aku. Just like arwah Zulfarhan yang meninggal sebab kes kena buli ke apa tu. Dia takda kaitan apa dengan aku, tapi aku punya teremosi dengan cerita dia sampaikan masuk dalam mimpi, effect emosi kalau boleh taknak adik-adik masuk asrama ke sambung belajar mana-mana yang jauh apa semua. Serius takda kaitan. Tapi emosi betul.

Memang complicated.

But, it's better to have those feelings, daripada takda perasaan kot kan?

So here the big girls who got so many mixed feelings

Just being random, forgive me.