Hello

Assalamualaikum..

Hello 2017!

Already 20 days here in a new year! But still feel new right. *wink*

Just feel like writing something or anything. So here a random post. You guys should just read this post okay! To avoid me feel abandon in my own blog. LOL

Lets do some reflection in 2016.

Basically throughout the year, I had a mixed feeling. Eh that one too obvious lah. Everyone also got mixed feelings dey macha. *Sigh*

When it comes to differences, it's the year when I started to work full time as a tax assistant. Oh actually I start working on July 2015 so it's actually not a new thing in 2016. But, the biggest change in my life when I start to understand the responsibility more. Being a senior (among team members), the responsibility become more. Cannot think only for myself, but for the team as a whole. It's absolutely different when I'm a junior (or trainee). I keep saying to myself that I didn't know anything, so I can make mistake. And senior will help me and adjust any mistake I've made and then I can make another mistake and they will fix it again and again and again. I don't feel to take the responsibility at all. Soooo bad yes I know T_T But that is what I feel during that time. In 2016, when I started to learn more, I know even better about what am I doing, then I start to give effort on that. No more cincai2 belajar. But I learn to earn something and give back to the others. More mature huh?

To me, 2016 is also about my family. We already moved to a new house after 22 years stayed in our old house. 22 years? Old enough right? Haha. It feels good and of course, feel new. Finally we decided to move because we think this is the right time.To get a new & fresh start (I hope so, please ameen kan). Since then, I think so far is a way better than before. We can adapt and adjust to new environment easily. As what we knew, berpindah (or berhijrah) is a good thing right? So I really hope this one is the right decision we've made. InshaAllah.

Another thing is maybe about relationship. Either with friends, family or anyone. I found out that in this age, I become more selective in choosing who I want to be with. I'm very reserved person. Not a talkative one. But, can become one with whoever close to me, even crazier than you can ever imagine. Haha. Some people, you can share your happiness with them but they are not actually happy for you. And when you share your problems, they definitely would not understand it. But they want you to understand them better. There's no relationship when only one person can only TAKE, while another person is the one who will GIVE. And I cannot be so bodoh anymore to just follow. So now, I select the lucky one only. LOL

Other than that is, ...

No, I want to stop here. Because it's a random post right? So the closing also will be so random. Haha.

I hope for a better future in 2017 inshaAllah. Strive for the best. 

May Allah fulfill my doa, and my parents doa (I need it so much), and everyone's doa as well.

2016

2016

It's been the most tiring year so far for me. Mentally exhausted.

While other people shared their ups and downs throughout the year and being grateful for all the lessons & blessings they got. But I'm here being so ungrateful. Never think of any good instead the bad came across my mind almost every single time. I know it was so selfish. I admit it. So sorry about that. That's me who need to be blamed, not anyone else. It's only ME.

There will be no one who knows my story. And I didn't let them know. Actually I chose to not let them know. I don't need any sympathy. I didn't want anyone to feel guilty for what I've been through. It's not fair to them. To face these all by myself is my choice. Besides I'm not good in story telling. Actually I'm bad. Easily to spread misunderstanding instead of reality happening.

And I always realized. People who know you well, don't need a story to be told. They can see your sorrow with a blink of an eye. Your long story is just wasteful to people who doesn't want to hear that. It will just get you into more problems, never a solutions. It's a relief to get a person who know you, and they are the one who start asking whether you are okay or not. They know you, more than yourself.

You.

You know I won't share my story openly to anyone. But I chose you to listen to my story. To get your support, not to burden you. You got my trust, and all I want is your support. At the beginning, I also decided to not telling you anything. But from time to time, I shared almost everything once I believed you are not like the others. You are part of my life. You are a family. But it seems not going as what as I demand. And yes, I burden you unintentionally. Sorry. I know it's my fault. You deserved to get a better & happier life. And it's definitely not with me.

You left me when I'm in my most horrible & unstable state. You knew that. Thanks for leaving me. It's actually answering my question. And now I know what to do and what's not. But trust me, I was so pleased to have you in my life. It was once the best moment I ever had in my life. To know that someone care about me besides my family and my best friend. Thanks again. Now you are free. No responsibility over me anymore. :)

I believe that I was so easy to be distracted and influenced by the things around me. And that's the reason I leave everything & everyone that I think will give me negative vibes. I stop following people. I stop doing something to please others. I stop comparing my life with anyone's life. I stop read on something bad about people who I don't actually know them. I stop trying to be someone else. I stop thinking bad about people. I stop almost everything.

I want to be me. I want to do something with my own thought. I want to do any decision by myself. I want to do the thing I love to do, not anyone else. I want to see the result of my own decision by not comparing with others. I want to be alone. I want to read all the books I want from the book shelf in the book store. I want to wear what I comfortable with, not what is trend. I want to grow. I want to be better. I just want to be a happy me.

I don't know if it is the so-called Mission 2017.I honestly have no mission at all. I was fully demotivated. No feeling. No motivation. Nothing. All these will be faded real soon and I will becoming more hateful & heartless.

Kursus Kahwin

Assalamualaikum..

Hm kali ni meh lah cerita pasal personal life pulak. Asyik pasal makanan je. Tak pun pasal jalan-jalan kan? So kali ni tetibe ada mood nak throwback ke masa kursus kahwin tu hari. Tu hari tu adalah tahun lepas. Ok bai

Nama pun kursus kahwin, mesti orang tertanya-tanya kan siapa lah yang nak kahwin dengan aku ni. Haha. Siapa pasangan aku pergi ke kursus ni? Jeng jeng jeng

Haha. Takda orang lain. Memang dia ni jela yang rajin mengikut aku ke mana saja. Haha. Dah alang-alang dua-dua belum pergi kursus kahwin, terus lah kitorang register bersama. Sweet kan. lol

Kitorang ambik kursus tu kat UTM je. Dekat. Dan murah. Sebab harga student kot. Semua yang datang tu pun budak-budak UTM jugak. Yang masih belajar. Kitorang lain sikit. Time belajar fokus belajar, dah habis ni baru lah ambik kursus kahwin. Gitu. Haha. Padahal saja je. Tak plan pun. Hiks

Kursus kahwin ni dua hari je. Sabtu dengan Ahad. Cun lah kan, waktu cuti. Tak payah susah-susah nak kena minta cuti lagi.

Dia ada banyak slot. Pasal ilmu perkahwinan, kesihatan lah, preparation borang-borang segala bagai tu lah, pasal kekeluargaan pun ada. Eh macam-macam lah. Rasa macam tak cukup masa jugak lah. Sebab satu slot paling-paling sejam dua je. Mana nak sempat masukkan semua. 

Tapi best lah. Banyak ilmu dapat. Rasa macam belajar balik jugak semuanya. Dulu zaman bila kan belajar agama-agama ni. Ni macam refresh balik ilmu-ilmu tu. Patutnya macam lagi bagus kot ambik kursus ni bila betul2 nak kahwin nanti. So macam fresh lagi dalam kepala otak kan. Tapi takpalah taknak kelam kabut punya pasal, buatlah dulu. Nanti kita study balik apa benda-benda penting ni ok.

Hari kedua sambung balik slot-slot yang lain tu. Sampai ke petang. Dan akhirnya dapatlah sijil lepas selesai semua slot. Yeay dah boleh kahwin! Haha.

Ni lah dia budak yang dah berkursus tu. Tahniah dapat sijil. Bolehlah tambah dalam resume nanti. Ahaks